Why god has given me these rude friends? I said on my first birthday in college, when my friends were giving me birthday bumps. Now I was searching for at least one person to share my pain and feelings with and I was helpless. Time changed, people changed and my life had changed.

That video was still in the folder named win32 that I made for her. Now that was enough to make me cry. I was still alive, I could breath, I could eat, I could walk, nevertheless, when I walked, my legs pulled me back.

Days were so long and every night made me cry. Now my phone never rang with romantic ringtone. There were no romantic messages in inbox of my cellphone. I stopped replying to any messages from my friends, forgot to carry my phone because who would I carry it for? I had compromised everything when she was with me now I had nothing with me.

I loved to sleep but now I started hating nights and my bed. Suddenly I used to wake up in the night missing her, and would start crying because whenever I dialed her number either she was busy or she didn't pick the call.

Smile, it seemed I just forgot how to do that. Every day I cried, looking here and there in the room in scrape, walked and again came to my bed, I would start crying but nobody was there to listen to me and then I ended up keeping pillow on my head and spending nights like that. 

The voice-mails she sent me and which I saved in my laptop, I just used to listen to them in loop for nights and just cried looking at the photographs. Sometimes I tried to hate them to feel better but I couldn't. I just shouted alone in the room. Hit myself to the walls and slept just with my tears and wet pillow. I used to walk at 3'o clock in the night as I felt I am alone in the world and....LONELY.

I logged on my laptop to see her photographs early morning and checked mails expecting that someday she'll mail me a voicemail to give me surprise but i forgot; nobody was messaging me, nobody was there to even look at me.

I had deleted all romantic movies from my laptop. I had deleted all songs, everything but not that video which I made for her. I used to watch that video all the time. I would go to the long voicemail to play again and again. I closed my eyes and tried to feel that she was in front of me and kissing me on my cheeks; holding my hands and whispering I love you. I'll never leave you.

Nevertheless, when I came across the reality, I again closed my eyes but this time to hide my tears. I just hugged my pillow whenever I missed her. My life had become porous. Nothing was left in my life, everything seemed over and finished.

I tried to sleep on time but I couldn't as there were no night talks and calls. I checked my phone so many times and waited for her message and calls but every time I washed my tears. I sat somewhere in the corner of the room and thought about everything that happened between us. Sometimes not even a single tear ran down my cheeks, my tears had dried; I was too hurt.

Everything else had gone with her, my dreams, my happiness, my smile, my feelings, my future and a lot more. I had changed a lot. I was a guy who always had fun with my friends but now my friends had started saying, 'What happened, Are you okay?' I just show them my fake smile now. I had learnt to wear a fake smile but it was tough and painful. Whenever I tried to be happy and smile, I remembered all those moments with her, missed her also and felt like crying. 

I stopped to pick calls and when my mom called me, I washed my face so she couldn't understand that I had been crying. When she asked me, 'What happened dear, are you crying?' 'No, mom, having cold from last night, that's why. I am perfectly fine, how are you?' and after disconnecting the call I just cried aloud in bed remembering all those moments that I spent with her.

I started living alone and isolated, when my friends talked to me; I started shouting at them. My friendship went in the wrong way and I lost most of my friends. Nobody wanted to talk to me because nobody knew anything.